Went to lots of friends blog this few days ~

Having flashbacks of besties in secondary school . DAMN MEMORABLE ! )=

Lost contact since i was together with baby . Didnt really want to contact them cause seems like i always spoilt their mood when i go out with them ? Ya , maybe i was not suitable in hanging out happily cause i tense to easily frustrated .

All of them stay so close and snap shots of their event .

Hearts melted of course , cause it's been long since i met them (bet they never miss me) .

What i can say is forget it ? During these months , lots of things happen . Learnt lessons from the quarrels , disagreement etc . Finally realise everything in this world seems to be too fake to be naive . No one is REALLY TRUE to trust , rumors will spread all around ?

Backstabs , talking bad and lots more . What a childish character Heaven create us ~

I already giving up in contacting close friends cause i have no status in their heart though .

Friends forever ? Like FUCK *no harm*

Friends i met makes me disppointed in them . the more i trust , the more disppointment i will experience . So thats the main reason i not contacting them ?

On the other hand , i'm too busy . But no one seems to inviting me , sms me or something ?

Okays , i admit i'm lonely . They will find me when they need me ? Think so ~

Thats humans are made at , selfish (:

Includes me too , so we cant blame anyone . My life up and fro is all about my preious BABY (:

Honesty , i felt lucky cause without him , i will be LONELY & HELPLESS .

Just dont know why , i have so many friends and connections . But everyones seems to be so far ~ No one really concern about me except baby . Maybe everyones thinks that i'm crazy .

YES I AM !

Maybe around these years , all bad experience really makes me think through and me mature .

So what for think so much ? I just want to be happy ! Just be myself ~

I wont be like last time , change myself because i LOVE FRIENDS .

What i get in the end ? nothing ? or maybe a little something . Better than nothing (:

Looking through their blogs of surprise celebration etc , some flash backs of the past . & i realise , NO ONE have really create a surprise birthday party for me before ! ._.

Hahaha , all is planned and arrange by myself . SO LONELY AND PATHETHIC RIGHT ?

Ya , that's my life , felt arrogant to have so many connections around but helpless deep inside my heart . Hais , i also hope to have a surprise in important event ! But i dont have since i was young .

What i hoping for i knew is impossible , maybe they dont rmb my birthday also =x

I knew it , cause i was a DUMB FUCK LONER , so didnt expect much hope anyway ~

Just hope to received a happy birthday from them and i'm satisfied .

Just now went baby house , didnt go anywhere today .

They were discussing about a surprise party for one of his brothers' , EDDIE . Planning outing etc ~

Then suddenly felt a flash of sadness in my heart .

Not knowing what happen to me . Maybe envious of them ? All already studying in different locations and school but heart are still united together . What a strong connection i can describe =/
Thats what i hope for , but never happen ~

Wont be expecting much , i will treasure whatever i have now barhs ~

1 more month , my birthday reached !

Plan to have chalet , if interested , tell me as i counting the numbers of peoples already .